My mother-in-law is generally very nice but super nosy. If my wife leaves her phone lying around, she will just pick it up and start going through it. My wife has kind of laughed this off as a remnant of her mom being controlling when she was a kid. I’m not a fan of this because my wife and I will sometimes text about things that simply don’t involve her mother.
So over the weekend, I saw my wife set her phone down on the kitchen counter and I had a brilliant idea of how to teach my MIL a lesson. Her mom was still in the kitchen, and I sent my wife a special text.
A few moments later, I swear I heard MIL’s gasp. When I went out, my MIL absolutely would not look me in the eye, grabbing my wife and pulling her into the living room.
“Mom, what’s wrong?” my wife asked, puzzled by her mother’s sudden behavior.
MIL fumbled with her words, her face flushed with embarrassment. “I… I think you should look at your phone,” she stammered, avoiding my gaze.
My wife picked up her phone, and I watched her eyes widen as she read the text I had sent: “Hey honey, make sure you delete the messages about the surprise party for your mom. We don’t want her to find out!”
My wife looked at me, understanding dawning in her eyes. She quickly composed herself and turned to her mother. “Mom, have you been snooping on my texts again?”
MIL looked like a deer caught in headlights. “I… well, I just… I saw the notification and…”
My wife shook her head, her voice firm but kind. “Mom, I know you’re concerned and you want to be involved in my life, but you have to respect my privacy. We’ve talked about this before. You can’t keep going through my phone.”
MIL’s eyes welled up with tears. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to invade your privacy. I just worry about you.”
“I understand that,” my wife said gently, “but there are boundaries that need to be respected. We need to trust each other, and that means you have to trust that I’m telling you what you need to know.”
Feeling it was time to step in, I added, “And just so you know, the surprise party thing? That was made up. I sent that text to catch you in the act because this has been a problem for a while. We love you, but we need you to trust us.”
MIL looked between us, clearly embarrassed but also understanding the point we were making. “I promise I’ll do better,” she said quietly. “I don’t want to come between you two or make you feel like I’m spying on you.”
“Thank you, Mom,” my wife said, giving her a hug. “We appreciate that. We just want to have a little bit of privacy, that’s all.”
MIL nodded, wiping her eyes. “I understand. I’m sorry for overstepping.”
With that, the tension in the room began to dissipate. The lesson had been taught, and while it was a hard one for MIL to swallow, it was necessary for the sake of our relationship and her understanding of our need for privacy.
From that day forward, MIL made a conscious effort to respect our boundaries. And though it took some time for her to fully break the habit, our relationship with her improved significantly. It was a small victory, but an important one for our family.
